Abuse, Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships

“But She’s Your Mother…”

This is a post from a very dear friend of mine. Beautiful, both inside and out, however, don’t let her beauty fool you, she’s tough as nails and will fuck you up if you deserve it. We’ve known each other for over 10 years now. I know of the many instances she’s had with her family, especially her mother. We were actually engaged for a bit, cuz we’re crazy like that, but sane enough not to go through with it. She holds a very special place in my heart, and I loved that she took the time to share this on Facebook. So much so, I asked if I could share it. Not many people experience a true dark side of their parents. It can be seen through ignorant sayings like: “But she’s your MOOOOOOM.” Not all mothers are created the same. Some parents are toxic, and even though we love them, sometimes distance and even blocking them out of your lives is necessary to heal, and to grow and to remain sane.

“While I’m in a very sharing mood let me just make something clear:
You telling me to talk to my mother isn’t helpful. Do you think I enjoy not having a relationship with both of the people who brought me into this world? Do you think this is some leftover teen angst that I’m randomly deciding to display when I’m 30? 
I love my mother, she’s my mother and I really can’t hate her. But the bad HEAVILY outweighs the good. Maybe if I just put it out there you all will understand. 
She put me on the street when I was $100 short on rent when I was 18/19 and refused to let me move back in when I begged her to because I was being threatened and chased by the homeless men in Greenpoint. My grandmother had to sneak me in to let me sleep on her floor at night so I would be safe until I figured out a plan. She also let my brother live with her regardless of whether or not he could pay, always letting him back in 10 minutes after she kicked him out. She busted my face open on a washing machine when I was in high school because I failed a class. She told me I deserved it when an ex hit me. She constantly called me a whore (among other things) when I was a teenager. Whenever I tried to talk to her about anything serious going on with me, she turned it into an argument so I was never able to actually talk to her about anything without fear of being screamed at. She openly told me my brother was her favorite, not that she really had to, her actions always showed that. She beat me for a good 20 minutes once because I said “yo” while addressing her. When I was pregnant with Adam, she threatened to kick me and Joe out because we were short on bill money since I had to stop working, only to find out she was using the money to send to my brother who had just moved across the country and she did not need my money for the bills at all. She has been an absolute monster to my husband who has tried his absolute hardest to be nice to her. She told me to call an Uber when I broke my arm and needed a ride to the hospital. She decided to ignore my calls and get drunk instead of helping her terrified daughter in the hospital in labor. When I was facing an eviction and needed her to either lend me some cash (which she absolutely has access to) or come grab my stuff and my dog while I go figure out the shelter system in Vegas, she told me to figure it out myself or to ask my mother in law. 
I can’t continue because at this point all I’m doing is hurting myself by reliving all this shit. I hope that this stops the “oh but they are your —-” bullshit that I see from people. Family doesn’t mean shit. Blood relation doesn’t mean shit. And just because you think someone is a good person, that doesn’t fucking mean they are.”

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